Work in progress.

I've been in Vancouver now for 10 months. It has been growing, it has been fun, it has been challenging and it has been incredibly hard. I have learned so much about myself, so much about living, so much about friendship and relationships, and so much about what is and what truly is not important.

Do you ever go to bed, and as you're drifting off to sleep remember something really embarrassing that you did that day? And then all at once, you're awake and self conscious feeling like an idiot and wondering how you are going to rectify the situation so that you no longer look like the moron you feel you look like.

There's been a lot of that for me over the last 6 or so months. I don't know about anyone else, but it's a difficult thing moving from place to place and trying to figure out where you fit again. When people have formed their opinions about you, and you about them, and everything feels awkward and nothing is really how you planned it would be. Or just in general, when nothing is really how you planned it would be and then everything feels awkward.

I am thankful for my life as it is now. Bumps and bruises included, I have grown so much. But I definitely have lost track of some things.

I have given fear of man WAY too big of a place in my life. People pleasing, worrying what other people think, trying to be everything to everyone. That was probably redundant, but point being: WHO EVEN CARES! I am great. You are great. If you or I cannot accept that about one another lets just bid one another good day respectfully and not try to force it.

While being preoccupied with what other people think, I forgot about what my Heavenly Father had to say about me which is something along the lines of me being "fearfully and wonderfully made," and many other things specifically stating how precious, beautiful, unique and WORTH it I (you/we) am(are).  Shame on me for giving insecurity, envy, doubt, and bitterness a foothold in my life. I have so much to be thankful for.

I am proud, I am selfish, I am stubborn and I am probably wrong more than I am right. I will never be perfect.  But who isn't? And who is?

The point is, I am learning and growing and changing every single day into someone I pray is more like Jesus.  Whether I feel like I'm letting him or giving him the time of day, or I'm working overtime to get on the right track he is always at work in me. He will never give up on me, and he certainly won't start a project and leave it unfinished.



"There has never been a doubt in my mind that the God who started a great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Jesus Christ appears"
Philippians 1:6 MSG