Brick By Brick

I am currently updating my blog from Salem, Oregon, which is where my DTS group went on our mini outreach. 

It's day three and I must admit, I am exhausted from the constant activity and different structure!  Turns out, a lot of what we are doing here is community building between our (the Montana) and the Salem DTS. We are also going out into the streets of Salem and evangelizing there, which is a little nerve-wracking for me, but also really exciting and I love it. This has been a really great experience so far and I'm excited for the rest of the week!

A recurring theme for the past little while has been that I need to "let go." This has been frustrating for me, because I haven't been entirely certain of what to let go of, or even how to do it! 

Lately people have been telling me "You are destined for greatness!" Which has been a really hard concept for me to grasp, as it is hard for me to imagine ever being anybody but this hurt, confused, broken mess that I feel like I've been for the last few years. The past few weeks have been a constant battle of ups and downs, and letting God pour into the parts of my heart that I've never let him into before. The darkest corners, and the deepest cracks. I feel as though finally I am really grasping what it means to be healed and set free. Not to say that God hasn't been doing some work in me, because he is always at work, but now I feel like I am finally starting to connect the things I know in my head with my heart. 

Yesterday in our sessions a lot of what we were talking about was letting go of the things we were holding onto like a dirty, ratty security blanket. I realized not only did I need to let go of the hurts and shame, but I needed to let go of that old identity in it's entirety and finally be ready to step forward into this new identity I have and truly begin to become the person that God has called me to be. 

We wrote down all of our fears and doubts, regrets and shame and insecurities, the things that were holding us back, on pieces of paper and threw them in a fire. I realize that's symbolic, but I pray that those things remain ashes and from those ashes rise a more beautiful and confident version of myself with such a strong desire to seek God's calling on my life. 

I know these changes aren't going to be instant, but I can feel myself becoming restored a little bit more every day. My confidence, my trust, I feel as though I am seeing and receiving truth in a new way. 

Also, just a little side note. I am recording a song for our music track and I'm super excited about it. It's called "Brick by Brick" and the lyrics are a pretty good representation of the things God is doing in me.

Brick By Brick

Climb my mountains

Swim across my raging seas

Break down my walls, brick by brick

Smash my heart of stone

Melt the ice around my soul

Wash the dirt from my wounds

Break me down brick by brick

You look me in the eyes and call me yours

Beloved, your scars are beautiful

You hold me in your arms so tight

You'll never let me go

This is a love so unbreakable and pure

And I'm forever yours

Scale this tower I've built

To keep myself safe from the world

You're unraveling my defenses

You're breaking me brick by brick

And what I know with my mind I'm learning with my heart

And you'll keep chasing me, no matter where I run

This is a battle you've already won

                                     Kristen Andruckow

xox

Where you lead, I will follow.

 

"I've been running, trying to be one who sees
I've been working, this salvation out on my knees
There is nothing better than knowing
We are redeemed
I'm believing, trusting in creative hands,
I am praying for our world to bow to your plan
And this one thought is unmistakable
To take up my cross and follow You Lord

When You stand, the tall tress and mountains bow
When You speak, the fiercest of oceans is still
And I see the sinner seek devotion
The lost become chosen, and I fall to my knees

I'm forgiven by a Savior who did not deserve death
He was blameless and I was lost in shamefulness
Undelivered, but it doesn't seem right
Unless I keep my eyes focues on the Savior who gave His life
In the middle of a world that denies it believes
It is breaking apart at the very seams
There is one thing to be alive for
And it's to take up my cross and follow You Lord
When You stand, the tall trees and mountains bow
When You speak, the fiercest of oceans is still
And I see the sinner seek devotion
The lost become chosen, and I fall to my knees

I will take up my cross and follow Lord where You lead me
And I will take up my cross and follow wherever you go"

Devotion - Hillsong United

Let's redefine what it means to heal

Hello everybody!

Turns out I am the worlds WORST blogger! Have you noticed??

I don't even know where to begin, so I guess I will split the weeks up into their own little paragraphs!

Also, I found out where I'm going for my outreach: NORTHERN THAILAND!!!!!!!!!!

FATHER HEART OF GOD
This week was all about learning how God really is your true Father. This week was huge for me. I have been spending a lot time searching for my identity in things other than God, and the huge word I got this week was that His name is my name. My identity is in Him. During one of our sessions the speaker asked us to stand up if people have called you arrogant or prideful, if you felt like that was your name. For some reason I felt like I was supposed to stand up, I really didn't want to...so I wrestled with it and then finally stood up. When the speaker saw me stand up, he looked at me and totally called me out "You, blondie in the back...I was hoping you would stand up. You weren't going to were you." And I don't really remember what he said after that, but one of our staff members came and prayed for me, and one of the things she prayed over me was that God said "I was never afraid to call you mine, I was never ashamed of you"

Psalm 56:8, Luke 6:21-22, Isaiah 41:10, Matthew 11:28-31 were all big verses for me that week.

"Freedom reveals your heart by the extremes we're willing to give."

God's love is:
A freeing love
Free from comparison.

THE BASICS OF CHRISTIANITY
Christianity is about public truth! It's about historical events and eyewitness accounts!
Our speakers for this week were Ron and Judy Smith who have both read the Bible cover to cover like a million times...not literally....but maybe because they've lost count. They are so wise and I have so much respect for them! One day I hope to have read through the Bible a few times haha... anyways.
This week actually made me want to read about other history from this time just so I could back myself up..it was all so interesting!

To inspire us to want us to read our Bible's more, Ron asked  us what our favorite food was, and then after our mouths were all watering he told us to pray this simple prayer whenever we ate "Lord, help me to love your word like my favorite food!"

Also during this week he gave us the verse Zephania 3:17 which I loved and really spoke to my heart.

On Wednesday night of that week (which was last week by the way), I was feeling really frustrated. Sometimes it's so annoying for me that God isn't tangible. I wish he could come scoop me up and give me a big hug and look me in the eyes and tell me I'm beautiful and that he loves me. Even though I should know that, it's hard to have faith sometimes. So the next morning I prayed that God would speak to me, like literally...with words. So the session began and first they made us rate our relationship with God...I didn't put down a number...but after talking about it for awhile, Judy opened up to the book of John.

In the book of John, John referred to himself as "the disciple whom Jesus loved",  because Jesus loved him, and all of us so much, if he were to rate his relationship with God he would give it a 10 out of 10. I probably didn't write that as clearly as I should have, but you get the idea.

Next they played a video (I don't remember what it was called or I would post a link for you) but it was about how we are God's beloved, and I felt like the guy in the video was speaking to me the whole time.
"You are my beloved, on you my favor rests"
"You are my beloved child"
"The voice who calls you beloved is the voice of the FIRST LOVE"
"I am the beloved daughter of God, even though I am rejected, that can become like a pruning."

I am my beloveds, and He is mine.

Needless to say, that prayer was answered!

Onto this week! MISSIONS!
"Jesus is for all people and nations"

Basically, they are telling us a lot about the history of missions which is super interesting for me, and also tonight we had a big session about unreached people groups which set me completely on fire for missions.

"Love so amazing, so divine, demands my life, my soul my all"

If you want to know more about this, let me know, I have a lot written down about said people groups and I can definitely find out more or send you links so just let me know!

"Every follower of Christ has the responsibility and joy of participating in the great commission"

Anyways, I think that I will leave it at that for now...my laundry is finished and it is late...yes that's right, I did my laundry!

xo