Brick By Brick

I am currently updating my blog from Salem, Oregon, which is where my DTS group went on our mini outreach. 

It's day three and I must admit, I am exhausted from the constant activity and different structure!  Turns out, a lot of what we are doing here is community building between our (the Montana) and the Salem DTS. We are also going out into the streets of Salem and evangelizing there, which is a little nerve-wracking for me, but also really exciting and I love it. This has been a really great experience so far and I'm excited for the rest of the week!

A recurring theme for the past little while has been that I need to "let go." This has been frustrating for me, because I haven't been entirely certain of what to let go of, or even how to do it! 

Lately people have been telling me "You are destined for greatness!" Which has been a really hard concept for me to grasp, as it is hard for me to imagine ever being anybody but this hurt, confused, broken mess that I feel like I've been for the last few years. The past few weeks have been a constant battle of ups and downs, and letting God pour into the parts of my heart that I've never let him into before. The darkest corners, and the deepest cracks. I feel as though finally I am really grasping what it means to be healed and set free. Not to say that God hasn't been doing some work in me, because he is always at work, but now I feel like I am finally starting to connect the things I know in my head with my heart. 

Yesterday in our sessions a lot of what we were talking about was letting go of the things we were holding onto like a dirty, ratty security blanket. I realized not only did I need to let go of the hurts and shame, but I needed to let go of that old identity in it's entirety and finally be ready to step forward into this new identity I have and truly begin to become the person that God has called me to be. 

We wrote down all of our fears and doubts, regrets and shame and insecurities, the things that were holding us back, on pieces of paper and threw them in a fire. I realize that's symbolic, but I pray that those things remain ashes and from those ashes rise a more beautiful and confident version of myself with such a strong desire to seek God's calling on my life. 

I know these changes aren't going to be instant, but I can feel myself becoming restored a little bit more every day. My confidence, my trust, I feel as though I am seeing and receiving truth in a new way. 

Also, just a little side note. I am recording a song for our music track and I'm super excited about it. It's called "Brick by Brick" and the lyrics are a pretty good representation of the things God is doing in me.

Brick By Brick

Climb my mountains

Swim across my raging seas

Break down my walls, brick by brick

Smash my heart of stone

Melt the ice around my soul

Wash the dirt from my wounds

Break me down brick by brick

You look me in the eyes and call me yours

Beloved, your scars are beautiful

You hold me in your arms so tight

You'll never let me go

This is a love so unbreakable and pure

And I'm forever yours

Scale this tower I've built

To keep myself safe from the world

You're unraveling my defenses

You're breaking me brick by brick

And what I know with my mind I'm learning with my heart

And you'll keep chasing me, no matter where I run

This is a battle you've already won

                                     Kristen Andruckow

xox